The Producers 2: A Really Heavy Stove
by Alice is Smiling
Summary: Leaving off from the ending of The Producers, with one small plot twist: Ulla and Leo aren't married. Look inside to find a really heavy stove, rude upholstery, nazi hypnotism, and more! TITLE IN PROGRESS. 3rd Chapter up soon.
1. The Beginning: Featuring Franz Liebkind

"My name is Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden Svanson, Nosnavs Nedavs Nellah-Nellat Nesnoy Nesneb Nesnah Agni Allu."

&&&&&

No, Ulla and Leo never did get married. At 11:00, Leo glanced down at his watch and saw that it read 3:00, so he quickly departed to get his watch fixed. While at the watch-fixing place in Rio, he became so overwrought with guilt that he and Ulla quickly called the next plane to New York.

So you know the rest, he went back to New York, rescued Max, went to Sing Sing, made Prisoners of Love, got out and became a fantastic producer with Max.

&&&&&

Three hours later, when they returned to the office, the three- Max, Leo, and Ulla- were faced with a dilemma. They had decided, in order to better organize plays, that they would all live in Max's office. Leo rushed over to the couch to see if it would fold out. It didn't. Once the couch didn't fold out, they turned the situation over to Ulla. She set up a bed on top of the piano. Flustered but unable to disagree with her, Max stuttered, "Uh- uh- uh- okay," and Leo simply nodded sheepishly.

As Leo set up a sleeping bag on the floor, a shot suddenly rang out through the room. Max dropped the vase he was removing from the piano, and looked around to see Franz's head poking through the window, a gun held in his gloved hand.

"I am going to hypnotize ze little old ladies so dat zey vill all love Hitler!"

Max and Leo exchanged glances, first with each other and then with Franz. Ulla chose to ignore the raving Nazi.

Mr. Liebkind glared around the room and fired his gun again to attract attention.

"What are you doing here, Franz?" Max stammered.

"I am varning you! I vill hypnotize ze little old ladies. Soon de whole vorld vill love Hitler!"

"Blurfjoogada!" Leo exclaimed.

"Umph!" Max shouted.

"Guten tag!" Franz squealed, climbing back through the window from which she entered.

&&&&&

The next day, Max went to confer with the little old ladies in Central Park.

"Do you like Hitler?" he asked them.

The old ladies ignored him, and instead asked, "Would you like to play a game?"

"Maybe, as soon as you answer Bialy's question!"

Lick Me-Bite Me stepped forward slightly from the crowd and pleaded, "Oh please, just one dirty little game?"

Max did not appear pleased. "Just tell Bialy if you like Hitler!" he cooed.

"How about we play the distracted Jew and Hitler?" said Kiss Me-Feel Me.

Not liking this suggestion, Max decided that conferring with the little old ladies was not the way to go.

&&&&&

Later that same day, Franz Liebkind approached the little old ladies with a sock in hand. He seemed to think that this would attract the aging crowd.

"You are getting very sleepy!" he announced, waving the sock before the ladies.

Several of them began to giggle and they followed the movement of the sock. After repeating this several times, Franz began to instruct him.

"You love Hitler," he said in the same dreamy tone. "You are loyal to the Führer."

The ladies repeated in synchronization. "We love Hitler, we are loyal to the Führer."

&&&&&

Back in Max's office, he, Ulla and Leo were installing a stove (so that they could make fondue). Ulla was reading the instructions aloud.

"Number vun; plug ze green cord into ze plugger."

"What?" Leo asked.

"I said, plug ze green cord into ze plugger!" Ulla repeated, more vigorously this time.

"Max, what's the plugger?" asked Leo, turning to Max (who was attempting to find the electrical outlet).

Then, as he inserted the plug into the outlet incorrectly, there was a large explosion which resulted in lots of burned hair. "That was the plugger," said Max.

"Are you finished?"

Max made a sheepish expression, then unsurely replied, "Yes."

Ulla made an ecstatic remark, then moved on to step two. "Number two; grab de really heavy stove and take it out of ze box."

Max and Leo stared at each other for a few seconds, then moved towards the box. After tearing the packaging tape from the openings with Leo's office key, they grabbed the really heavy stove and promptly dropped it on Leo's foot. Leo howled in pain, and Max freaked out and called "911" and told them to get there immediately. The loyal fire department didn't ask questions and arrived there five minutes later to find Leo still howling in pain and clutching the ankle above his foot that was trapped under the really heavy stove.

The fire department exchanged weary glances, then lifted the really heavy stove off of Leo's foot. Someone from the fire department inspected it and came to the conclusion that Leo's foot was broken. Ulla gasped and ran over to comfort Leo. Leo insisted that he could not walk- which he couldn't- and was soon carried off by a person from the fire department with Max and Ulla in hot pursuit.

&&&&&

Max and Ulla leaned worriedly over Leo's bed. Leo was not in pain.

"I'm not in pain," Leo said.

Then Ulla said, "Of course you're in pain."

"Why aren't you in pain? You just got a stove dropped on your foot!" Max exclaimed.

"Actually, _you _just dropped a stove on my foot," Leo accused nastily.

"Don't accuse me nastily!" Max roared.

"Don't roar at me!" Leo yelped.

"Alright alright, let's not fight," Bialystock grumbled.


	2. Rude Upholstery: Featuring Roger DeBris

Leaving Leo to wait for his crutches, Max and Ulla went to visit their old friends: Roger DeBris, Carmen Ghia, Bryan, Kevin, Scott and Shirley. Unfortunately, Bryan wasn't there; he had resigned to work at a tattoo parlor. Upon their entrance, Max and Ulla discovered Roger in a fury.

"The upholstery! The upholstery! My upholstery has not been delivered!" he exclaimed.

"Roger, Roger, what's the matter?" Max queried as they entered.

"Oh, it's a disaster!" Carmen cried. "We ordered some lovely pink floral upholstery several weeks ago, and it still has not arrived!"

Ulla hurried over to Carmen and patted him apologetically on the back. "It is okay!" she said.

"No, no, no it's not!" Roger screamed. "It's a disaster, I tell you! A DISASTER! Max, help me protest to Ikea!"

"Eye-key-uh?" Ulla wondered. "Vhat means eyekeyuh?"

"I- it- I don't know," Max mused. "Roger, what's Ikea?"

Roger sighed dramatically and collapsed into a purple fluffy rocking chair. Resting his head on the enormous lips pillow, he massaged his forehead, ignoring Max's inquiry. Ulla took a step forwards, observing the director's outfit.

Mr. DeBris was dressed elegantly, as always (he had ditched the dress, though). From the bottom up, he wore bright red dress shoes. His socks were striped and purple. Instead of the skirty dress, the pants that he wore were too small and stylishly adorned with many silver sequins. The sport jacket was borrowed from Kevin... the shirt beneath it was light pink.

"Bit of a mismatched outfit, eh, Roger?" Max muttered, following Ulla's gaze.

"I want Thai food..." the director replied distractedly.

"Oooh!" Carmen gasped.

"Why did you gasp?" Scott asked with confusion.

Carmen stared at him... Yeah.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Mr. Ghia beamed and skipped over.

"Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger DeBris's elegant upper east side townhouse on a rainy thursday afternoon in october. Who may I say is calling?" There was a pause; then, "Oh, Mr. Bloom! How nice of you to call. I-... Max Bialystock? Oh."

After pausing a moment and scowling, Carmen reluctantly handed the pearly white phone to Max.

"Leo!" Max greeted dramatically, pressing the phone against his ear.

"Max, I don't have a car here, and I don't have any money on me... I was expecting you to be back earlier, Max," Leo's scratchy voice replied on the other line.

"... We just got here, Leo."

"No, Max, you've been gone a long time... I need a ride!"

"Alright, alright, we'll come over in a bit, Leo. But it might be hard to escape Roger and co."

"Just hurry... I can't think of a six-letter word for frightened."

Max raised an eyebrow. "Scared, Leo."

"... Good bye, Max."

Max hung up the phone and returned to the situation at hand. "Ulla, we gotta go," he muttered.

"Vhat? Vhy Ulla got to go?"

"Vhy? Because... because. Let's go."

"Ohh, Max! This is a disaster! A catastrophe! A..." Roger had become excited again, and was now gliding across the room to confront his visitors once more.

"Yeah, good luck with the furniture thing, I'm sure your lovely pink couch will get here soon-" With that, Max dragged Ulla out the door and quickly closed it.

&&&&&

Max and Ulla hurriedly rushed through the hospital doors. They quickly found Leo sitting uncomfortably in a lobby chair, poring over a kid's crossword puzzle book. His crutches were propped up against the wall.

"Finally!" Leo exclaimed.

"We weren't gone long, Leo-"

"How are Roger and Carmen?" Leo asked as Ulla helped with his crutches.

"Oh, fine... They're worked up over some stupid furniture thing. I don't think they'll be directing any plays anytime soon."

"Vhat about producink?" Ulla queried. "Ve can't produce and I can't act... Ve haven't inshtalled ze stove!"

"Well, too bad," Max grunted.

"Stoves are dangerous! I- I don't want to deal with them again," Leo murmured nervously.

And so, still unsure of what activity they would preoccupy themselves with, the trio headed back to their office.

(They grabbed a taxi.)

&&&&&

AUTHORS' NOTES: Thanks for your review, Penny and Fae! No, this is not a oneshot; it'll probably continue until we get bored of it. )

The title will be changed... eventually...


End file.
